Bereavement and Loss
Every case is different, depending on the relationship, but grief and mourning may follows a pattern like this:-
(although not necessarily in this order and not everyone will go through every stage)
Shock - tears, sighing, physical and mental pain.
Numbness - indecision, feeling lost, confused.
Blame - self blame, blaming doctors, others etc
Denial - may think you hear or see deceased.
Yearning - emotional pain, disturbed sleep, fatigue,
idealization of deceased.
Searching - looking for loved one, restlessness.
Anxiety - fear, insecurity, dependency.
Anger (may be repressed) - “Why me?”
Resentment towards deceased - “Look at the mess you’ve left me in!”
Guilt “I should have said...or not said ...or done...
Loneliness - feelings of rejection.
Depression, apathy, loss of identity,
Eventually one or two years on—Making sense of it all.
Acceptance—more able talk happily about deceased
Healing —increased maturity & compassion.
Bereavement is like going through a very dark tunnel but you will eventually come out again into the sunshine.
If you try to avoid the pain by over working, drugs or alcohol - it may come back years later as depression.
Talking about your feelings to a friend or Samaritans will help or you may find counselling useful
- try CRUSE Bereavement Care Tel. 0844 477 9400 Mon/Fri 9.30am-5pm
website for bereaved children and young people
Divorce, loss of job, status, independence, freedom etc. can also bring about similar reactions, as above
When we have done all the work
we were sent to Earth to do,
we are allowed to shed our body
— which imprisons our soul like a
cocoon encloses the future butterfly.
And when the time is right,
we can let go of it
and we will be free of pain,
free of fears and worries ….
free as a very
returning home to God
…..which is a place where we are never alone,
where we continue to grow
and to sing and dance,
where we are with those we loved,
and where we are surrounded
with more love
than we can ever imagine.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross ( Letter to a dying child)
(See my book for this and other quotes on bereavement)